Just take a moment and brace yourself against the realisation that this is not a post concerning another impending and wholly implausible Hollywood blockbuster starring Brendan Fraser, but rather the utterly disgusting title for The Times’ new blog-child. One must say, although it is simply “not done”, that this baby is hideous. Visiting the site for my weekly leeching of the infamous Women’s Section, I noticed that Alpha Mummy is now wedged between dating and fashion (which is, after all, woman’s place, aka The Home) on the menu bar.
Astonished, I tottered, taking my first steps towards the shiny new object, then puked adorably as I reached it. Meet Alpha Mummy’s “team”: Jennifer Howze, mother of one and stepmother of one, is Lifestyle editor of Times Online. Eleanor Mills, mother of two, is the Saturday editor of the Times. Caitlin Moran, mother of two, is a columnist for The Times. Sarah Vine, mother of two, is a columnist for The Times. It reads like episodic propaganda from Francoist Spain. Children give you worth, women.
Apparently, Alpha Mummy, ‘is the blog for mums and dads who work, used to work, or want to go back to work one day (as if looking after children isn’t work enough),’ but its content ostensibly deviates from this goal, with these mythical father figures making occasional and brief appearances. Surely the title similarly promotes exclusivity? ‘[C]onversations on the blog aren’t restricted to parenthood and playtime,’ but deal with diverse other topics such as sex and dating. However, one is reassured that bloggers ‘talk about everything that affects our lives as grown-ups with families, careers and intellects,’ none of which appear to have done the writers any favours.
‘In early September,’ the “team” asked their readership about ‘experiences [they] had with sexism, and the results were surprising’ in that, at least in my humble opinion, they somehow managed to overlook the woolly mammoth in the room which goes by the name Alpha Mummy. Seemingly, the belief is that they have in some way embarked upon an empowering mission, when in reality their endeavour can never exceed its own limitations. In principle, a sensible site for parents with young children could facilitate liberal education, but whilst such arenas are restricted to the likes of Alpha Mummy, the sexist values they propagate remain engrained. Alpha Mummy’s ‘strategy,’ when approaching the inevitable moment at which a child begins to curse, ‘is low-key “correction”,’ stating that such ‘words are for grown-ups and they’re not very nice to use.’ Well, perhaps everyone should implement their advice in not misusing words, like sexism, that are for adults, and should be used sensibly.